Saturday, November 7, 2009

New Shoes

tired of this endless tirades...
have i not to have my own rights to take charge of my life?
do i have to be a cow and follow what others tell me to?
i am 19.
i am not some 5 year old kid.
let me prove myself to the world.
that i am worthy of my being here.
give me a chance to stand on my own.
for i have yet to try out my feet.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mary's Lamb

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

I used to like black because it meant mysterious to me. Now, I like it because of it's negativity. Yes. I am full of negative vibes. It has been 3 days and still ongoing.

Or is it just one of my usual mood swings that I'm feeling?

I don't know. I seriously don't. I am growing fonder towards darkness. I love darkness these days. Funnily, I feel comfortably safe in darkness. In my own castle of solitude... I think, I am slowly withdrawing myself from the world to being a recluse.

I, too suspect that I am going crazy. Some wires got disconnected and wrongly fused back. Yeah. That's how it feels like.

When you are at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

I find myself again in my own myriad of thoughts. Those questions remained unanswered as ever. I fear fear. The mind is said to be the most powerful tool. If not use correctly, it is often deadly.

I have officially finish my finals today. Still, I don't seem to feel happy. I have lost my sense of taste. The taste of freedom and liberty that I should be feeling now. I don't. I could't. I fail to grasp that same feeling. I am just simply that different.

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

What is happiness? Everyone seeks for it. A painful smile? A plastic smile? Nothing ever last. Happiness is always short-lived. Where can I find a genuine smile right from the heart?

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

I hate to live my life in pretense.
I am a kleptomaniac to be.
I want to steal truth, honesty and sworn integrity.
I am a pyromaniac to be.
I want to burn down the basic foundation;
the basic foundation of lies and pretense.
It results in the death of civilization.

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruin

Perfection can kill. Many died in search of perfection. I think that everyone is being most truthful when they were still kids. Children are the most innocent and perfect beings. They slowly grow and succumb to the Devil's temptation to thrust fallacy even in broad daylight to your face. They fear alien. What alien? It is the alien feeling that one have; the fear of being outsmarted by others. So, they opt to lie. Adults are the most complex being of all. They are able to think and judge but they have forgotten the essence of purity. They fail to look beyond. Thus, judging others before themselves.

The moment I sign up for military,
I knew how I will die.
I was shot simultaneously from all directions
As I marched into the battlefied.
Head held up high;
I was unarmed.



Currently listening to: Greenday's 21 Guns

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Heart Grenade

Detonation within a mere few seconds
Destroying everything within its parameter
Wisps of smoke enthralls the recluse
Boom! It goes.
'How magnificent!' he thought.
The joy one owns
when the world is at the brink of destruction.
Everything is falling apart apart.
He mused, 'Chaos turns me on.'

Dying for something
or
dying for nothing?
I choose to jump.
Because I want to die
as a whole
instead of having my body charred;
I jumped.
And
My heart stops beating.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Shrink the World


All grown-ups were children first. (But few remember it).





Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is exhausting for children to have to provide explanations over and over again.





That's the way they are. You must not hold it against them. Children should be very understanding of grown-ups.





... I have had, in the course of my life, lots of encounters and lots of serious people. I have spent lots of time with grown-ups. I have seen them at close range... which haven't much improved my opinion of them.





Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: "What does his voice sound like?" "What games does he like best?" "Does he collect butterflies?". They ask: "How old is he?" "How many brothers does he have?" "How much does he weigh?" "How much money does his father make?" Only then do they think they know him.





If you tell grown-ups, "I saw a beautiful red brick house, with geraniums at the windows and doves on the roof...," they won't be able to imagine such a house. You have to tell them, "I saw a house worth a hundred thousand francs." Then they exclaim, "What a pretty house!"





"For millions of years flowers have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it's not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble produce thorns that are good for nothing? It's not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers?... Suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exists nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, even without realizing what he's doing - that isn't important? If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that's enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself, 'My flower's up there somewhere...' But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it's as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. And that isn't important?'"





"If I were to command a general to turn into a seagull, and if the general did not obey, that would not be the general's fault. It would be mine."





"I'd like to see a sunset... Do me a favor your majesty... Command the sun to set."

"If I commanded a general to fly from one flower to the next like a butterfly, or to write a tragedy, or to turn into a seagull, and if the general did not carry out my command, which of us would be in the wrong, the general or me?"

"You would be," said the little prince quite firmly.

"Exactly. One must command from each what each can perform," the king went on. "Authority is based first of all upon reason. If you command your subjects to jump in the ocean, there will be a revolution. I am entitled to command obedience because my orders are reasonable."

"Then my sunset?" insisted the little prince, who never let go of a question once he had asked it.

"You shall have your sunset. I shall command it. But I shall wait, according to my science of government, until conditions are favorable."

"And when will that be?" inquired the little prince.

"Well, well!" replied the king, first consulting a large calender. "Well, well! That would be around... around... that would be tonight around seven-forty! And you'll see how well I'm obeyed."





"That is the hardest thing of all. It is much harder to judge yourself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself, it's because you're truly a wise man."





"What are you doing here," he asked the drunkard...

"Drinking," replied the drunkard, with a gloomy expression.

"Why are you drinking?" the little prince asked.

"To forget," replied the drunkard.

"To forget what?" inquired the little prince, who was already feeling sorry for him.

"To forget that I'm ashamed," confessed the drunkard, hanging his head.

"What are you ashamed of?" inquired the little prince, who wanted to help.

"Of drinking!" concluded the drunkard...





The earth is not just another planet! It contains one hundred and eleven kings (including, of course, the African kings), seven thousand geographers, nine hundred thousand businessmen, seven-and-a-half million drunkards, three-hundred-eleven million vain men; in other words, about two billion grownups.





Men occupy very little space on Earth. If the two billion inhabitants of the globe were to stand close together, as they might for some public event, they would easily fit into a city block that was twenty miles long and twenty miles wide. You could crowd all humanity onto the smallest Pacific islet.

Grown-ups, of course, won't believe you.





"Good morning," said the little prince.

"Good morning," said the flower.

"Where are the people?" the little prince inquired politely.

The flower had one day seen a caravan passing.

"People? there are six or seven of them, I believe, in existence. I caught sight of them years ago. But you never know where to find them. The wind blows them away. They have no roots, which hampers them a good deal."

"Goodbye," said the little prince.

"Goodbye," said the flower.




"Nothing's perfect," sighed the fox. "My life is monotonous. I hunt chickens; people hunt me. All chickens are just alike, and all men are just alike. So I'm rather bored. But if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I'll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? I don't eat bread. For me, wheat is no use whatever. Wheat fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have hair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat..."



"You're lovely, but you're empty," he went on. "One couldn't die for you. Of course an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than you altogether, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except for two or three for butterflies). Since's she the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's
my rose."





"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."





"Only the children know what they're look for," said the little prince. "They spend their lives on a rag doll and it becomes very important, and if it's taken away from them, they cry..."

"They're lucky," the switchman said.





What makes the desert beautiful," said the little prince, "is that it hides a well somewhere..."

I was surprised by suddenly understanding that mysterious radiance of the sands. When I was a little boy I lived in an old house, and there was a legend that a treasure was buried in it somewhere. Of course, no one was ever able to find the treasure, perhaps no one even searched. But it cast a spell over the whole house. My house hid a secret in the depths of its heart...





"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."





... when someone blushes, doesn't that mean "yes"?





You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed.





"People have stars, but they aren't the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they're nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they're problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you'll have stars like nobody else."

"What do you mean?"

"When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when you're consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you'll be glad you've known me. You'll always be my friend. You'll feel like laughing with me. And you'll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it... And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you're looking up at the sky. Then you'll tell them, 'Yes, it's the stars. They always make me laugh!"




"I should never have listened to her," he confided to me one day. "One should never listen to the flowers. One should simply look at them and breathe their fragrance."

"Where are the people?" resumed the little prince at last. "It's a little lonely in the desert..."
"It is lonely when you're among people, too," said the snake.

To forget a friend is sad. Not everyone has had a friend.

Straight ahead does not take anyone very far...

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars
if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.

Conceited men only ever hear praise.

Kings do not 'own'. Kings 'reign over'. There is a large difference.

One only ever understands what one tames.
People no longer have the time to understand anything.
They buy everything ready-made from the shops.
But there is no shop where friends can be bought,
so people no longer have friends.

I shall watch you out of the corner of my eye and you will say nothing:
words are the source of misunderstandings.
But each day you may sit a little closer to me.

He was just a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But I made him my friend, and now he is unique in the world.

One is never happy where one is.

It is too far.
I cannot take this body along with me. It is too heavy.
Left behind, it will only be an old cast-off shell.
There is nothing sad about an old shell.


Only children know what they are looking for.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery [The Little Prince]

Thursday, October 15, 2009

jest for pun

Behind him, men were dying.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had observed that people who did lie were, on the whole, more resourceful, ambitious, and successful than people who did not lie.

It doesn't make a damned difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.

The enemy, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on... and don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.

"Of course you're dying. We're all dying. Where the devil else do you think you're heading?"

Joseph Heller [Catch-22]


nobody told me

it's easy (if you try)
flying to a place
where no birds would fly.




_endless pursuits_

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lesson 001-Learn to Ignore

currently listening to: Pieces-Sum 41

Sometimes i wonder if it's all worth in the end. What is our purpose on Earth? Our fates has long since been written. We came with nothing to this world, and we shall return with nothing as well. Life is just too short and to fragile to do anything extreme. There are too many commitments. When we die, will people remember for who we are? Or is it only during the funeral procession and after that we belong to the history which no one can recall? Does anyone even cared at all? Sometimes, i wonder too if it is better off to be alone. I mean, people keep saying to not trust anyone but yourself. But when you cannot trust yourself, who do you trust? Sorry to say, but i am not some devout fella (i am not an atheist). People tend to want to work things towards perfection, but is it all worth it in the end?

Today is not a really good day for me. I went back writing journal entries. Yeah. I have that habit but only when i am too sad and i have no one to turn to. I mean, i don't know who to turn to. I simply don't. I feel so small... so weak. I know that I have grown since school times. I have changed. I know that. I felt that. But to better or to worse? I think that it is for the worst. I felt that I am becoming more stubborn and rude. Perhaps that I am a self-centered person? Or that I have the tendency to be rude? I think that my brain cells are shrinking by the second. I feel dumb.

I think that I have been going around hurting people. Too much anger in one's self is really bad. The anger tends to consume the container. And now, I AM the container. Slowly being devoured by my own flames. I feel lost and confused. I feel crazy. It's all in my head. It's all in my head. Right? Right. Nah. Don't think that i will reveal much here. Shall go burn that piece of journal entry or something.

I don't need attention from anyone. I prefer the solitude. (here goes me being ego. ha. ha.)

p/s: keeping mum is the best defense stance i have right now.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Drugged and High

there was once a coffee addict
working part-time as a coffee brewer in the brewery
he sniffs out coffee beans with his flaring nostrils
and sneezes at them as he is allergic to the coffee beans.
boy! was that ever an extra ingredient!
his snots is the secret ingredient
to why the coffee is such a hit
among the coffee addicts
who sat quietly
sipping the snotted-coffee unknowingly.
"we want re-fill," so they say.
they drank and drank to their hearts out;
drugged and high from the secret ingredient
and the coffee brewer laughs at his
faithful troop of coffee-addict-turned-zombies.


_snotty junkie wanted_



p/s: i know. lame~

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You Own Me

Tuesday is a past.
Wednesday is a 'morrow.
Thursday is a future.
Friday: I have been in the past, 'morrow and future.
Saturday is my present.
Sunday is a new beginning.
Monday is when the show plays on a 'repeat' mode.




_looking yonder the numbers_

Friday, September 25, 2009

K.I.A

a green man rummaging
through his duffel bag.
he found a bomb.
therein it lies quietly
waiting to be summoned upon
by its master to kill.
once set, he is off to go
on a bloody massacre.
as intoxicated as the green man
it explodes
into a beautiful
firework show.
only to be marveled
by those as sophisticated as its master.
oh! the sweet sound it made!
is simply melodious!
the notes that it play
is so skin-tingling!
the dancers of the floor
dance to it
non-stop to the end of the show
whence they draw their last breath.
bodies bathing in crimson blood;
limbs all over.



_killed in action_



p/s: got inspired to jet's K.I.A. From their latest album, Shaka Rock.